Nobody said it was easy

I don't think you have the slightest idea how many days you've left ruined

How many schedules I've rearranged
How much I've sacrificed
How much time I've invested

How many times you've let me down

I don't think you have the slightest idea how many nights I've cried myself to sleep
How many hours I've slept through to avoid facing circumstances you've created

I don't think you have the slightest idea how badly you have the ability to make me feel
How worthless
How stupid
How small

Not even the slightest idea how many moments I've wondered
How much better so many of my days might have been
If you'd never been a part of my life
How much pain I wish I could erase from my memory and you with it

How many times I've had to forget how much I think you're lying
How many excuses I've accepted at face value
Knowing how little weight they would hold if it was someone else that needed you

How many wounds I've forgiven without ever being asked

And I don't think you have the smallest idea of how much I still care for you
How much I want to believe how happy you always make me and how wonderful you always are
How much it hurts to admit anything less

I'm not angry with the situations
I'm torn by how you handle them
How you don't handle them




If I shut myself off from the world tomorrow
Know that it's because I'd rather spend the day alone
Than spend it miserable again

Wondering if you'll care enough to make five minutes to call me
And tell me happy birthday.