Willing

Let all the earth fear the Lord;
Let all the people of the world revere Him.
For He spoke and it came to be;
He commanded and it stood firm.
-Psalm 33: 8-9

I began reading through Pslams chapter by chapter I don't even remember how long ago, and every time I would come upon a verse mentioning "fear of the Lord" I would immediately jump back in apprehension. Why should I be afraid of this amazing God that loves me, that made me and saved me?

While I knew that "fear" didn't mean literal fright, my mind still flew immediately to that conclusion. Even after referencing such passages in concordances and commentaries in an attempt to understand, I came to a definition of "fear" as respect.

Respect.

My understanding of the word "respect" was too simple, too detached, to be able to apply to such an awesome, personal Savior.

And then, even after meditating on the verses and asking God to reveal to me just what it meant to fear Him, I still was left without any real comprehension as I know it to feel. I had no joy over learning a new truth or being able to see Him work it out in my life, and I knew it was because even though I'd read over and over again what fearing God meant, and maybe even understood with my mind, it hadn't clicked in my heart.

Last night it clicked in Pslam 33. Fearing the Lord is knowing Him, purely and simply, and being amazed by what I know, to stand back and say, "Wow, look at all He has done and can do, and more than that, look at who He is."

Where this really took hold in my life is in grasping His power. The next verse in Pslam 33 reads:

The Lord foils the plans of the nations;
He thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever,
The puposes of his heart through all generations.
-Psalm 33: 10-11

It is so easy to look forward to the next stage in my life: graduation, college, marriage, a family, serving God for the rest of my life. While I don't think there's anything wrong with anticipating the great blessings to come in my life, I know that there is something wrong with being so wrapped up in that anticipation that I forget His plan for me RIGHT NOW.

"So, ok. I get it. God has a plan for me right now. Easy enough. I should be satisfied with that plan now until these other things come."

That's what I thought. "Certainly God has something for me to do now. Obviously it's probably not as great as what's coming and definately not as important, but I should be obedient and at least sort of look for whatever it is I've got to do right now so I can get to that better part coming."

And on top of that entirely wrong mindset, I had basically convinced myself that whatever it was God had to do with me in high school and at home, that it was more or less limited to me. He was teaching ME something, preparing ME for the future. My whole outlook was consumed with myself, in part because I was so self absorbed and in part because I failed to truly believe that God could do something big outside of me, in my school or home or town or state or country or world.

The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through ALL GENERATIONS.

He has a plan, a fantastic, unfathomable, joyous plan, and not only did it exist long ago, it DOES exist. It WILL ALWAYS exist. Hearing Jason talk about God being up to something big was hard for me to grasp. I had so limited Him by human standards, by my own sins and shortcomings, that I was sure there was no way God could be up to something big where I was. Somewhere else? sure. Anywhere I could see and experience firsthand? I just didn't believe it. I knew it, but I didn't believe it. Last night I realized that difference as well.

God is SO much bigger than me. Jesus died for my iniquity, and in His death put to death the hold of sin over my life. Why then do I so hang onto it as reason that God can't work through me? Or that He can't work through any sinner only willing to give his or her life to Him?


So what now, right? If I'm filled with such a fear for God, and I believe that He can and is doing something huge, and that He could and does want to use me, then how? When? Where?

Fear the Lord, you His saints,
for those who fear Him lack nothing.
- Psalm 34: 9

Nothing. They lack nothing. My part is to seek Him, to pray for that desire to seek Him and to work with all of my heart and soul and mind and strength to recieve that desire for and joy in Him that only He can give. If I could do any of it on my own, to who would the glory be? Myself. Praise God that the power and the glory aren't mind, that I don't know when and where and how, only that He is up to something gigantic, and that He provides everything I could ever need, if I only am willing.